


Worse than herding cats

by Le_mango



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Drunk idiots make out, F/F, Joel is tired™, vaguely halloween themed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 17:30:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21201422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Le_mango/pseuds/Le_mango
Summary: This is straight-up dumb but it makes me laugh. Y'all had to suffer with me. Happy spooky times!





	Worse than herding cats

Whoever had made this playlist should honestly be shot. What is the mash? Why are monsters doing it? Either way, the music was loud enough to shake the foundation of the old house. “Ellie come on,” Dina shouted. She was just a few feet away but Ellie could still only hear every other word. She leaned forward making Dina repeat herself for the third time.

“Not when I have a drink-“

Dina swiped the glass downing everything in one go. “T’s empty,” she hiccupped wiping a stray dribble off her chin. “You’re going to dance.” She grabbed Ellie’s hand dragging her through the already crowded room. Dina easily stumbled into five people, and Parker twice.

Ellie laughed watching Dina flip off the chair that got in her way. “You showed him.”

Dina rolled her eyes wrapping a hand around the back of Ellie’s neck. “How about you shut up?” She pulled Ellie into a long kiss. The sharp alcoholic taste was almost as strong as a sweet maple. Ellie suddenly had a much better idea of who had eaten all the homemade candies earlier. Dina dropped away suddenly, “Fuck yeah.” She chuckled.

Ellie bit her lower lip rocking back and forth. “You’ve lost your ears.”

Dina frantically pat down her head, “Ah damnit! Not again.”

“I’m sure you’ll hear if they turn up.” Dina groaned throwing her entire head back.

“What are you even supposed to be, the paper towel lumberjack guy?” Dina slapped her hands up to Ellie’s charcoal covered cheeks. “Joel?”

“Don’t mess up my beard.” Ellie complained, “I’m supposed to be the, uh.” Ellie was far from sober. Remembering things was even harder when Dina kept looking at her like that. “I’m supposed to kiss you.” She leaned forward catching Dina’s lips again. Another wild pair of dancers swung into them finally breaking them apart. “Watch where you’re fucking going,” Ellie growled.

“You’re so cute when you swear.” Dina tipped to the side. Ellie held onto her hips as if she was any steadier. The song switched from overpowering monster smashing to unbearable 90’s pop. Dina’s eyes shot wider than two dinner plates. “I love this song.” Every beat thumped through Ellie’s chest harder than her own heart. Dina spun with her arms in the air and colored lights flashed across the room. Song after song and everyone was Dina’s favorite. Ellie wildly danced along paying no attention to what, or who, her elbows were hitting.

Bottles kept getting passed around and very few of them had water. At one point they ended up at a table in the corner poring shots from one of the premium batches of home-brew. Jesse threw his hands in the air after rolling a third seven in a row. He slammed the tiny cup down rolling the dice again. The entire crowd groaned as the dice fell on the wrong number. Dina practically threw him off the chair to take a turn. Ellie watched sipping from a jar. It was a pleasant apple cider that she’d managed to snag. “Snake eyes!” Dina cheered as a hearty double shot was poured. She cackled easily downing it in one go. The way she threw her head back and how her chest moved with each laugh. Ellie was blushing hard for dozens of reasons.

The main light shut off and the crowd cheered. What was left was the flashing and waving colors making mesmerizing colors on the roof and walls. “Let’s get out of here before anyone notices.” Dina threw herself on Ellie’s shoulders less than subtly giggling as Ellie ran through the crowd. It was hard enough to steer upstairs drunk but Ellie had a hot-ass girlfriend kissing her neck the whole way.

“Hey, heeeey give me a second.” Ellie tripped letting Dina down on the porch. The muffled bass was still shaking the ground. Dina grinned plopping down of the porch swing. Ellie tried to do the same but her knee pushed the seat back. “Fuckin moving chair.” She slurred grabbing the sides for support. She barely managed to balance on the worn cushion when Dina grabbed her collar pulling her down into a sloppy kiss.

“You’re cute,” Dina managed to gasp in between.

“No. Shut up. You are.” A choppy reply since Ellie didn’t want to do anything that would take her mouth away from Dina. Hands clumsily worked down her chest undoing each button of the red flannel. Ellie sat up just enough to pull the shirt off. “I fuckin love you.” Dina hummed happily her hands greedily roaming Ellie’s biceps. The tank top offered no protection against the freezing air but Ellie didn’t care. She kissed down Dina’s neck wishing the black shirt dipped lower. That’s just going to have to come off too.

Dina’s knee came up and she hooked her leg around Ellie. “Come back here,” She pulled Ellie back up into a deep kiss earning a low moan. Dina could hardly tell which tongue was her own. Ellie pulled back for a moment breathing heavily. The whiskers on Dina’s cheeks were rapidly turning into messy blurs. Most of the gray smudges had likely come from Ellie’s own makeup. She grabbed Dina’s thigh with a wicked grin diving back down. Ellie was going to eat this little kitty up.

—X—

Joel groaned walking passed the umpteenth house with blaring music. Why the hell did they even celebrate Halloween? Nothing was actually scary compared to what was outside the walls. He just wanted to go home and sleep after the extra late watch shift. He swore to god he would kill if the next-door neighbors were partying just as loud as some of these groups. Joel turned a corner and felt his jaw hit the dirt. “Oh hell no.” He mumbled sprinting towards an unmistakable figure. “Ellie what in God’s name do you think you’re doing!” He ripped her off the swing exposing an equally undressed Dina.

“Hey!” Ellie wildly swatted at him, “Fuck off.”

He could’ve smelt the alcohol on her breath from a mile away. “You’re going home right now. Get your clothes back on.”

“You get your clothes back on.” Ellie angrily slurred back. “Who do you think you are, fucking Abe,” She breathed out trying to remember, “drinking.”

“I bet you’ve been doing plenty of that.” Joel groaned pointing at Dina, “You too kid.”

She stared back before bursting out laughing. “Why’s the lumberjack so angry? Did you run out of trees to jack.” Dina stood swaying to the side. “Whoops,” she grabbed onto Ellie who turned grinning widely.

“No. None of that.” He waved a hand between their faces as they tried to inch forward again. “Home,” Joel said sternly. Ellie pouted making it two whole steps off the porch before tripping on flat ground. Joel closed his eyes muttering a prayer to whatever was listening as he threw Dina over his shoulder and Ellie on the other.

Dina wouldn’t stop giggling letting her hands swing freely. Ellie stayed bitterly quite until Dina chirped, “I love you.”

“I love you too. You’re so fucking pretty and I want to kiss you all the time,” Ellie blathered on, “You’re like my best friend but now you’re my girlfriend and,” Were they trying to hold hands? Joel _accidentally_ let Ellie roll off his arm dropping her on the ground. “Ow! What the fuck man?”

“None of that canoodling behind my back.”

“I’m not a threat.” She snapped.

Dina snorted, “Canoodle.” She repeated still hanging like a rag doll. Joel did his best to drag Ellie along keeping a firm hold on her arm. They passed a house and music was playing through an open window. Dina started drunkenly singing along with her best attempt of actual words. Ellie was doing even worse mumbling along and eventually just copying everything Dina did. She giggled suddenly calling out again, “You’re upside-down.”

“Am I?” Ellie froze staring at her hands. Joel did his best to keep pushing her along.

Dina’s house was just around the corner and Joel’s heart sank hearing the loudest music yet. Was that a mattress burning in the street? “Dear Lord,” he groaned turning away. Dina gasped waving goodbye to her own home. By the time Joel had worked the front door open Ellie had managed to wander a good dozen feet away. He dropped Dina on the couch and jogged back out to steer Ellie into the house as well.

Joel ran to the kitchen to get some water since he was damn sure they hadn’t had any at that party. He was really going to have a chat with Tommy about how they’d had scored to that much alcohol in the first place. He was gone for less than two minutes and came back to a scene that he didn’t want burned into his memory. “Christ Ellie!” She shakily flipped him off not bothering to unlock her lips from Dina’s. “Damnit kid.” Joel was going to have to tie her down at this rate. He forced them apart again.

“Stop fuckin doing that!” Ellie snapped her feet kicking in the air as he carried her to the recliner.

“Okay. I know you like each other but there’s been a little too much alcohol involved. I know where you’re trying to go and I promise you’ll regret it.”

“It’s not like we haven’t done it bef-,” Ellie stopped dead in her tracks sucking her lips in.

Joel's brow raised sharply. “I think the problem is more about what you were trying to do in the middle of the goddamn street.” He dropped Ellie back onto the chair. “Drink that.” He pointed to the glass of water. Ellie crossed her arms glaring back. “Drink the damn water,”

“I don’t want dam water.” Ellie managed to slur back.

Joel groaned rubbing his temples. He handed a glass to Dina, “Drink.” She was infinitely less stubborn. Once her glass was half empty Ellie broke following suit. Of course that worked. He was learning way too much about their little relationship in such a short amount of time. “When you’re done with that decide who's sleeping out here.”

“Why can’t we,”

“No.” He cut Ellie off again. She tried to ask again and was cut off with an even firmer, “No.”

Dina started laughing out of nowhere turning her glass upside down. “Theersnomahwader,” she cackled to herself.

-X-

Ellie was a master. She could tiptoe past a guard dog in a bubble wrap factory. Fuckin stealth master. Joel couldn’t stop her since he wouldn’t know she’d even left. One tippy at a toe. Ellie stepped forward at was hit with a sudden cold bolt. “The fuck!?” She jumped.

“Language,” she was hit again with a cold stream of water.

“Where the hell did you come from?”

Joel stared back with the spray bottle in hand. He hadn’t moved since Dina had been quarantined in the other room. “Back to sleep.” He pointed threateningly with the bottle. “Don’t make me start counting.” Ellie’s lip twitched angrily. She could still sneak out without him knowing. As long as she kept eye contact he wouldn’t notice anything. Ellie slowly stepped backward and was immediately hit in the face with a jet of water.

-X-

There was a low groan and one of Joel’s eyes slid open. He reached for the half-empty spray bottle but already knew he wouldn’t be needing it. Ellie moaned again rolling to her side. “I’m gonna,” her body rolled starting from her stomach until her cheeks puffed out with a pained breath.

Joel hopped up grabbing the bucket he’d prepared passing it to Ellie. Her hands clamped onto the sides just in time to hurl. “Get used to it kid.” Ellie let out a pained whine before throwing up again. “Keep your eyes closed as much as you can.” He consoled lightly patting the back of her head. He could hear more weak coughing and spitting as he checked down the hall. He prayed Dina could handle booze a little better than his little lightweight. The door to Ellie’s room was open and his heart stopped. If he was a drunk teenage girl where would he wander off to? Joel panicked for half a second before hearing weak whimpering coming from the bathroom. He found Dina curled up on the floor in front of the toilet.

She turned squinting up, “W-Where the hell am I?”

“Kansas.”

“The fucks a Kansas?”

It took some finagling to get Ellie into the bathroom. She clung to her bucket like it was her own mother. They both hissed when he hit the bathroom lights. “Can I trust the two of you aren’t going to try anything?”

Dina groaned before throwing up again. “Shhhhh, it’s okay.” Ellie unsteadily comforted patting the back of her head.

Joel took that as a yes. He probably should have stuck around to supervise but he was fucking tired. He didn’t check back until the late morning. Joel came in with two cups of tea to find Ellie sleeping in the bathtub and Dina curled on the floor. “Rise and shine kids.” There was collective pained moaning in response. “Not sure about you,” He shrugged handing Dina a mug, “But you’re supposed to be helping clear the fields in a couple of hours.”

“My fucking head.” Ellie groaned.

“Nothing like some good fashioned work to clear that up.”

Dina managed to sit up while squinting angrily at everything. “The hell?” She could make out dozens of bruises along her collarbone, and that’s only the parts she could see. She immediately lost her train of thought taking the first sip of tea. She felt like a sponge that had been left in the sun for weeks.

Ellie let out a long whining string of sounds, not one of them was an actual word, “Tough shit baby girl.” Joel had to keep himself from laughing at her. Dumbass kid. He was never going to let her live this down.

**Author's Note:**

> This is straight-up dumb but it makes me laugh. Y'all had to suffer with me. Happy spooky times!


End file.
